These last few days have been really interesting. I say interesting, because I don't know how else to describe them (other than maybe busy).
This past week has been the culmination of almost a year's worth of events and emotions and growth. And I'm not quite sure what to make of it.
I'm leaving school today (only to write two more pages of a paper). This Saturday, one of my best friends graduates, along with several other good friends. My first year as a small group leader is coming to a close. Three of my awesome small group girls won't be coming back to Mizzou next year, so that was three more people I had to say goodbye to. I won't be in the same small group as my friend Lizzy for the first time next year, and that's just weird. Once I finish writing my paper, I'll be half way done with my college career. Oh, and in less than 72 hours I will be on the ground in London.
It's crazy the journey God has taken me on to get me to this point. Really crazy.
Less than a year ago, I had a conversation with one of my friends who graduates this weekend. I probably should have called her or waited till I saw her, but for some reason, I decided texting would work. I remember asking her, "Why am I so scared?" That question started a long process (or at least it seemed long to me) of God holding my hand and becoming my security. It started the process of preparing for her to graduate and possibly leave, and eventually finding out that she's going to Wales for a year.
In September, Lizzy, Julie and I started leading a small group together. The next week, Lizzy and I were in a separate room from Julie because our small group was too big to stay together. Like the two times we led together in Mark Twain, we were terrified. But it turned out great. We had a wonderful group of girls, and although we're both super excited for our new small groups next year, we're a little sad that our first one (that we've led) is over.
I've spent this semester working as a reporter for the local paper. Coming into this was one of the scariest things I've ever done thanks to all the stories I heard from upperclassmen. I liked it though. It was hard. Sometimes it was a pain. But it was worth it. I made good friends that I wish I could have spent more time with. I actually learned things from this class.
Now I'm about to head off to London. Let me tell you, preparation for this has been hectic. First off, had I found out my friend's plans to go to Wales one week sooner, I never would have made the decision to go to London. I almost changed my mind as it is. Secondly, it was really hard to be obedient and not apply to go to Jamaica because I really want to go back. (I still say it's funny that I didn't find out till about two weeks ago that it would be my last chance to go.) Then there was all the craziness of God providing money in ways I didn't expect so that I could go.
That's just the stuff that seemed like a big deal. The stuff that has consumed so much of my year. God has taken me on a journey of healing in several areas. He's taught me more about prayer and reaching out to people. I'm more in Love with Him than I've ever been before. It's all been important, and it's all made a huge difference.
Now, I'm leaving not only Mizzou, but the country, for the summer. All I can do right now is thank God for how this has worked out. I keep crying or wanting to cry. And I have no idea why. I'm sad this year is over, but I'm not so sad that I don't want it to end. I'm too excited for London and next year. I don't really know what to expect, but I'm not scared anymore. I keep wanting to say I'm not ready to leave, but I am.
Last summer, when I asked my friend why I was so scared, she told me, "Take it a day at a time and when the end of the year comes, you'll be ready to say goodbye." I'm still not sure I like the idea of goodbye. Eventually, when I'm watching her leave for Wales, I'll probably still say, "See ya later." Because I hate goodbyes that much. But I am ready. I still don't know how God did it, but He did. And that's what I wish I could understand.
But I guess He's just reminding me again that being scared isn't worth it. He's got my back. He's taking care of me. The things that scare me, are always the most worth it in the end.
No comments:
Post a Comment