Faithful Until the End

"Though the rain comes in torrents and the floodwaters rise and the winds beat against that house, it won’t collapse because it is built on bedrock." - Matthew 7:25

Easy and hard. Wanting to make a decision you don't want to be asked to make. Letting go of control when all you want to do is hold on because you know that's the only way to really get what you want. Trust. It's what it all boils down to.

If you've been keeping up with my blog, you read the other day about how I've had to trust God in a lot of situations recently. Well, that same day, I was reminded about the reality and nearness of one of those situations. Almost immediately, I wanted to cry.

This particular situation is one I've been facing in one way or another for over a year. So from past experience and on the reminder a very good friend, I knew I needed to go to Jesus right away. As I sat in my apartment, I tried to tell God I wasn't ready, but I just couldn't make myself do it. All I could say was, "I trust You." Over and over again. "I trust You."

You see? Earlier this year, God gave me a choice. He gave me the choice of putting my security in Him or putting it in someone and something else. Even after I made the choice to put it in Him, it was a long journey until I actually felt that security. So when I was reminded how close I am to something that not even a year ago probably would have made me fall apart, all I knew to do was trust God. To tell Him that I trust that everything He's done in me this past year has prepared me. To acknowledge that He is my foundation, and that no matter how hard this seems, I know I'll be alright.

The next day, I was reading my Bible when I came across a verse that reminded me of the day God told me to choose Him as my security. I wanted to cry again. It was different than the night before though. This time it was from a sense of overwhelming peace.

Once again, God has proven Himself faithful. He promised me security if I chose Him, and He delivered. He promised me peace and stability in the middle of storms, and He delivered. He promised me that His Love would drive out all fear, and again, He delivered.

That's the thing with trust. It gets easier. Every time you choose to trust someone and they keep their promises, it becomes easier to trust them again.

So, even though it's probably still going to take a conscious decision every time God asks me to trust Him, trusting Him with this and seeing His promises fulfilled will hopefully make the decision easier. I know what it's like to live with and without the stability that comes from trusting Him. And I can't do without that security.

I challenge you to trust Him. No matter what is going on in your life, give Him control. It'll be hard at first, but eventually, you'll get to the point where it's too hard not to. I promise. He'll remain faithful. His faithfulness will be worth it in the end.

"I will be faithful to you and make you mine, and you will finally know me as the Lord." - Hosea 2:20

Trust In Love

Has there even been a time in your life when it was hard to trust someone? I don't mean that you couldn't trust him because he had failed you before. I mean you knew full well that you could trust him. You wanted to trust him. But it hurt to make the decision to do so.

I've been there with God recently. A lot.

A lot of situations this past year, especially in preparation for and during this summer have required a lot of trust. I've had to give God control of a lot of things - from finances to friendships to travel. I've had to face fears. I've had to face changes. And I'm still facing changes - some of which I'm looking forward to, others of which I am still trying to figure out how I'll handle.

In Proverbs, we are told to trust in the Lord with our whole hearts. I don't know about you, but there are certain parts of my heart that it's hard to trust God with.

And this from someone who is inclined to trust. A lot of people will make you earn their trust. I tend to be the opposite. I tend to give you trust until you prove that you shouldn't have it. And yet, God has had to earn my trust over the years.

But it's still more than that. Even with as many times as He's proved that He is trustworthy, most of the time, it's still a struggle for me to trust Him in each new situation.

Changing directions for a bit... Who do you trust most? Is it someone you met on the street last week? Maybe you could give their name if you thought hard about it. Or is it your best friend? You could share the smallest, most obscure detail about their lives. Without even trying you can answer any question the way they would.

Even with my inclination to trust people, I'm more likely to trust my closest friends than some stranger. Not only have they proved that they deserve the trust I've given them, I know they Love me. Not only have they proved that they won't intentionally hurt me, I know they'll do whatever is in my best interest.

Like I said before, I've been having to trust God with a lot recently. And it's stuff I really care about. So it hurts. It's been easier in the past when I know that what I want isn't going to happen. But for once, I can see how the things I want could actually happen. And I can't see how it would hurt. But God is still asking me to trust Him with the situation.

He's not saying it won't happen, but He is saying to let Him take care of it - to let Him be in charge of if it happens and if it does, when. It's hard knowing that I'm trusting Him with the process as well as the end result.

At the same time, it's easier than it's ever been. I've spent the past two years learning more about God and what pleases Him and growing closer to Him. I've spent the summer falling absolutely in love with Him. Because of all that, I understand how much He Loves me. I know He won't hurt me. I know He'll do what's in my best interest. I know it in my heart and not just my head. And that's what's new.

It's like some of my best friends. I'd trust them with my life. Then in some situations, I'm not so sure how their plan makes any sense, so it's hard to trust them in that specific situation. That's where I am with God. I trust Him with my life, but His plan isn't making a lot of sense right now. So it's hard to trust Him.

But here's the thing. More than His plan doesn't make sense, I know it's the best. I know He Loves me and will provide the best for me no matter what. I have experienced it. And so I'm learning. I'm learning the truth behind 1 John 4:18.

Because my words can't begin to explain the goodness of His Love and the ease of trusting Him that it brings, I'll leave you with His. I hope you can come to your own understanding of it.

"Such Love has no fear, because perfect Love expels all fear. If we are afraid, it is for fear of punishment, and this shows that we have not fully experienced His perfect Love." - 1 John 4:18

I Want More

This post is going to be completely different. I don't tell a story. I don't come up with an analogy to explain what God is teaching me. In fact, I don't even explain what God is teaching me. I just share it. In this post, you're getting an inside look into my journal (with a few minor spelling and grammar corrections). It's a letter I wrote to God, but it's what He was speaking to my heart. (Funny how He reveals His Love for you while you're expressing your Love for Him.) Normally, I wouldn't share this directly, but I believe God wants me to. I believe it's something that others need to hear and know that He feels the same way about them. Because of that, I'm sharing. I hope it helps you and gives you an idea of how much you are Loved by the King.

Dear God,
I love it when You call me precious. I do not know what it is. Maybe it is the tenderness in Your voice. Maybe it is the intentionality of the choice in words. Maybe it is knowing that Yours is a voice of Truth.


No matter. When You call me precious, I feel so much Love. It flows over every part of me, covering my whole being. It seeps into my heart. It warms the innermost part of me. I know I am experiencing a taste of the truest Love in the world.


I cannot help but want more. The slightest taste of Your Love makes my heart yearn for more. It creates a hunger. It stirs a longing only You can fill.


To think, You always feel that way about me. You always desire my Love. Your heart never stops yearning for me.


Nothing makes You forget the last time I showed You Love. Nothing takes away that feeling. You know it is my Love you desire. You never try to fill it with someone else. You know it would be a useless endeavor.


And so You pursue me. You pursue my Love. You seek until You find. You ask until You receive. You knock until You are welcomed in.


You want me to do the same. You want me to desperately seek more of You. You want me to give my heart completely to You. You want me to RUN to let You in. RUN. With no hesitation. RUN. In real pursuit of You. You want me to RUN.


God, I want to. I want to chase after You. I want to give everything in pursuit of You. I want to Love You with reckless abandonement. Every day.


I Love you.


Yours forever,
Nicole E. Jones

Through the Motions

Routine. Most of us strive for it. I know I do. I always seem to get more done when my life has a pattern. Even if it's different every day of the week, as long as my weekly pattern stays the same or roughly the same, I'm good.

Here's the perfect example. At the beginning of every semester, I start a new class schedule. I start a new work schedule. The only thing that stays even remotely the same is my Chi Alpha and church schedule. At the beginning of every semester, I'm anxious to figure out my new routine and get settled into it.

Yesterday, I got a little talking to about routine. Kind of. I didn't really get in trouble, but God definitely felt the need to point some things out to me.

Whenever my schedule (and as a result, my routine) changes, I immediately try to settle into a new rhythm. I try to set up a new routine as quickly as possible so I can start getting things done again. Often, I say I want a routine so I know when I can have my Jesus time.

But here's the thing, before I get in that new routine, I'm so much better at really being aware of Him and my need for Him. When I have a routine, I have set times that are my "free time"; they're meant for homework, hanging out with friends, reading, watching the occasional movie or television show and of course, Jesus time. Sometimes, if I get started on it right, a certain hour will end up being set aside for that quiet time.

Sadly, I often don't make enough of that free time Jesus time. I always say He's important enough that I'll make time for Him no matter what time of day or night, but I don't always. Because I have my routine down, I'm comfortable. I have a pretty decent idea of what's going to happen every day, and so I don't take those opportunities to spend time with Him like I should.

When I don't have a routine, I'm much more willing to take time for Him. I find random free time and decide to fill it with Him. I get excited about something and decide to thank Him for it. I start feeling a little dry, and go to the Living Water to fill me up. I'm more aware of how much I need Him because I know I have no clue what the day will hold. I'm more willing to spend that time with Him because I don't feel like there are a million things I need to get done.

Yesterday, God asked me to let Him change my plans. My plan was to go pick up a few things from the store after class and make my way back to my flat where I would do laundry, cook dinner, maybe get a head start on a paper and talk to some friends on Facebook or Skype. God decided to make it "date night." It was great. I came back to my flat far happier than I would have otherwise and far more willing to hear from Him.

Now, routine's not all bad. Time set aside specifically for worship and fellowship with God is extremely important. It just can't be all you do.

Because, this walk with God is a relationship. In a relationship, you can't just tell someone, "I'll spend this amount of time with you everyday or every week. This is where you fit into my schedule." In addition to setting aside time for them, you have to be available. You have to be willing to do spontaneous things with them. You have to include them in all of your life. You can't just leave them out.

When our walk with God becomes routine, it becomes more about a religion than a relationship. We start going through the motions. That's not what He wants.

So, this is something I'm going to have to work on myself, but I have a challenge for you. Find that time that is specifically dedicated to God - that time that you set aside for Him in your busy day. But don't limit Him to that time. Start listening for when He calls you to spend time with Him and walk with Him throughout the day. Be willing to let Him interrupt your plans for the day. See where He takes you and what He speaks to you. I promise. You won't be disappointed.

So Come With Me

"Therefore I am now going to allure her; I will lead her into the wilderness and speak tenderly to her." - Hosea 2:14

Summer romance. It's an idea nearly glorified by the movies. Noah and Allie in The Notebook, Sandy and Danny in Grease. How many more movie couples meet and fall in love during the warm summer months? How many more movies and books depict the months and activities of summer as the ideal setting for date night, for truly falling in love?

Crazy, adventurous romance. How many movies show two people falling in love while on the craziest adventure of their lives? In some exotic location? Doing something daring that they have no idea how they got talked into it?

That's what this summer is about for me - getting my crazy and adventurous summer romance.

In Song of Solomon, God calls Himself our Lover. In Ephesians, He calls us His bride. As such, He wants us to be truly in love with Him. He wants the fiery passion and fierce devotion that comes with being truly in love.

Really Loving someone is a learning process. It's no different with God. You really have to learn about Him. You really have to learn what Love is and how to fight for it. In the process, you learn a lot about yourself. You learn what really matters to you. You dream dreams you didn't dare to dream before.

It wasn't until my layover at O'Hare that I started actually looking forward to living in London for three months. I was asking God some questions about what I thought was completely unrelated to this trip. But when He answered, I couldn't have been more excited.

He wants to pursue me this summer. In a way that He couldn't anywhere else.

Europe is the first place I ever pictured myself going on an "adventure". It's far away from the people I Love most. It is way beyond my comfort zone. Only God could have convinced me to come here by myself for three months.

God is pursuing me in ways I didn't think I would ever be pursued. For me, so far, He has reminded me of who He made me and the interests and gifts He gave me. He keeps showing me that He knows those things about me - they don't surprise Him. He keeps blessing me with the time to enjoy them.

At the same time, I'm learning about Him. I'm learning about Love. I'm learning that He wants me to enjoy the gifts He has given me. My interests and passions are His interests and passions. He wants to share them with me. He is pursuing me so that I know how to pursue Him.

This isn't just for me. It's for you too. God has a plan to pursue you, to chase your heart. Most likely, it will be something you're not used to. Let Him remind you of how He made you, who He made you to be. Let Him remind you of the dreams He's given you. Then see how He provides for you. Look for the opportunities He gives you to be that person. Watch how He allows you to follow those dreams. Let Him draw your heart closer to His.

Don't forget to share it with Him. Love Him back by including Him in those things He does for you. Thank Him for them. When your heart starts longing for adventure - any type of adventure - look to Him.

When He calls, "Come with me," follow Him. If it's to the ends of the earth or if it's to the house next door, follow Him.

Enough For Me

"O Lord, You have examined my heart and know everything about me. You know when I sit down or stand up. You know my thoughts even when I'm far away... You know what I am going to say even before I say it, Lord." - Psalm 139:1-2,4

Imagine this. You walk into work or church or class or your favorite hangout location. Something is different today. Everyone has a miniature screen on their heads, and the screens have words flashing, running across the screen. It takes you a minute, but eventually you realize that the words on the screens are the thoughts of the people wearing them.

Admit it. We've all wondered what our world would be like if people passing by could read our thoughts. This is how most of us try to picture that world. And most of us are glad our world isn't like that, because, well, if it was, most of us would be in a lot of trouble pretty often.

Normally, I'm one of those people who is glad others can't read my thoughts. Earlier this year was a different story, though. No, I did not want a screen attached to my head displaying my thoughts for the entire world to see. I wanted my best and closest friends, no matter where they were to know the things I was thinking, the things that were on my heart.

You see, I had been struggling with a lot of stuff - a lot of insecurities and lies. It was hard. Although I wanted my friends to be able to help me with it, I was not about to tell them what I was struggling with because in some really roundabout ways, it involved them. They weren't causing it, but lies are often attacks against the things that matter most to you.

I don't remember what day it was or what time, but I very much remember lying in my bed at one point asking God to let my friends know what was going on in my heart, what I was struggling with so they could help me.

Shortly after that time, I went on a retreat with my campus ministry. During our quiet time that weekend, we were asked to read Psalm 139 and answer some questions about it. I didn't get very far on the questions. There are 23 verses in the chapter, and I only answered the questions about verses 1-4. "What do these words make you feel? Do you think they are 'real'? How does it make you feel to think that He knows your thoughts?" And on March 10, I wrote in my journal, "I just wish I would be satisfied with that. I wish that was enough for me and that I would not keep looking for that from someone else."

God was trying to tell me that He did know my thoughts. He did know what I was thinking, what I was struggling with, the deepest things in my heart that no one else knew, not even my mentor. My Best Friend knew. And it wasn't enough for me.

I don't know how He did it, but that weekend, God did address the insecurities and the lies I had been dealing with. He showed me truth; He reminded me where my security was. It truly helped. I didn't thank Him though. I mean, I did. But not for being the friend that saw my heart and fixed things. I just thanked Him for fixing them.

A little over a month later, I was having another hard time. There weren't lies and insecurities again. I don't really know what to call it. I was just really sad about leaving for the summer and knowing that when I got back, some of my close friends could be somewhere else. I knew what I thought would fix it. I kept doing whatever I could to get that too, but it just wasn't working out.

That week, God kept showing me Love through different people. He kept pursuing me. And I knew He was doing it for a reason, but I couldn't figure it out.

Finally, one day, I just broke down in tears. I didn't want to, because I was in front of a ton of friends, but I couldn't help it. One friend came over and tried to talk me through it and gave me a hug. Another friend texted me to say how much she Loves me. A third friend came over and reminded me how great of a year I had and how strong my friendships are. Then that friend finally managed to get me up to worship with everyone else.

All those things helped, but I was still lost. I felt Loved, but it still didn't seem to solve the problem. Until dinner that night. Another good friend called me, out of nowhere, just because she felt God wanted her to tell me that He Loves me and just to hold onto that Love. I almost broke down in tears again, but that time out of relief. Relief that He cared enough to give me something stable to hold onto and to tell me to hold onto it. Then He still continued to pour Love out on me that night when my small group girls prayed for me and encouraged me about coming to London.

The next day, a friend pointed me back to Psalm 139. Not realizing it was the same chapter as the chapter I read during retreat, I decided to read it. I read the first four verses and freaked out. In a good way.

That was when I wrote the words, "God did it. He did it, and I was satisfied... He spoke to my heart this week. He captured another piece of it. Because I know the peace from the Love He showed me is going to last."

What's makes it even cooler is this: God gave me what I wanted. Not only did He get to the root of the problem (which I then spent the next few days thanking people for how they let Him use them that day), He gave me what I thought was going to fix the problem. But only after I was trusting Him without it.

Now, I'm in London. Being here, so far away from my family and friends, makes it really easy to feel lonely. But here's the thing. God's the one I'm looking to to fill that void. He's the one I'm trusting to make it all better. He knew before I even did how hard this would be, and He prepared me for it. In so many ways, and I am so thankful. I am so glad that my Best Friend knows my thoughts, knows my heart and knows how to fix anything that might be hard.

I'm glad that He's enough for me. I'm glad that I know He's enough for me.

Somehow There's Peace

Sometimes I wish I understood God. You know what I mean? It's not in the "I-have-no-clue-what-You're-doing" kind of not understanding. It's the "I-just-want-to-know-how-You-made-this-work" kind of understand.

These last few days have been really interesting. I say interesting, because I don't know how else to describe them (other than maybe busy).

This past week has been the culmination of almost a year's worth of events and emotions and growth. And I'm not quite sure what to make of it.

I'm leaving school today (only to write two more pages of a paper). This Saturday, one of my best friends graduates, along with several other good friends. My first year as a small group leader is coming to a close. Three of my awesome small group girls won't be coming back to Mizzou next year, so that was three more people I had to say goodbye to. I won't be in the same small group as my friend Lizzy for the first time next year, and that's just weird. Once I finish writing my paper, I'll be half way done with my college career. Oh, and in less than 72 hours I will be on the ground in London.

It's crazy the journey God has taken me on to get me to this point. Really crazy.

Less than a year ago, I had a conversation with one of my friends who graduates this weekend. I probably should have called her or waited till I saw her, but for some reason, I decided texting would work. I remember asking her, "Why am I so scared?" That question started a long process (or at least it seemed long to me) of God holding my hand and becoming my security. It started the process of preparing for her to graduate and possibly leave, and eventually finding out that she's going to Wales for a year.

In September, Lizzy, Julie and I started leading a small group together. The next week, Lizzy and I were in a separate room from Julie because our small group was too big to stay together. Like the two times we led together in Mark Twain, we were terrified. But it turned out great. We had a wonderful group of girls, and although we're both super excited for our new small groups next year, we're a little sad that our first one (that we've led) is over.

I've spent this semester working as a reporter for the local paper. Coming into this was one of the scariest things I've ever done thanks to all the stories I heard from upperclassmen. I liked it though. It was hard. Sometimes it was a pain. But it was worth it. I made good friends that I wish I could have spent more time with. I actually learned things from this class.

Now I'm about to head off to London. Let me tell you, preparation for this has been hectic. First off, had I found out my friend's plans to go to Wales one week sooner, I never would have made the decision to go to London. I almost changed my mind as it is. Secondly, it was really hard to be obedient and not apply to go to Jamaica because I really want to go back. (I still say it's funny that I didn't find out till about two weeks ago that it would be my last chance to go.) Then there was all the craziness of God providing money in ways I didn't expect so that I could go.

That's just the stuff that seemed like a big deal. The stuff that has consumed so much of my year. God has taken me on a journey of healing in several areas. He's taught me more about prayer and reaching out to people. I'm more in Love with Him than I've ever been before. It's all been important, and it's all made a huge difference.

Now, I'm leaving not only Mizzou, but the country, for the summer. All I can do right now is thank God for how this has worked out. I keep crying or wanting to cry. And I have no idea why. I'm sad this year is over, but I'm not so sad that I don't want it to end. I'm too excited for London and next year. I don't really know what to expect, but I'm not scared anymore. I keep wanting to say I'm not ready to leave, but I am.

Last summer, when I asked my friend why I was so scared, she told me, "Take it a day at a time and when the end of the year comes, you'll be ready to say goodbye." I'm still not sure I like the idea of goodbye. Eventually, when I'm watching her leave for Wales, I'll probably still say, "See ya later." Because I hate goodbyes that much. But I am ready. I still don't know how God did it, but He did. And that's what I wish I could understand.

But I guess He's just reminding me again that being scared isn't worth it. He's got my back. He's taking care of me. The things that scare me, are always the most worth it in the end.

Pursuit

"God is the relentless lover, and we are His first love. He will never stop pursuing us because He wants us back." - Robin Jones Gunn


Fair warning. This post may be a little different than a normal one. Normally, when I post on here, it's about something God just finished teaching me. Or I'm right at the tail end of what He's teaching me, so I get it and all that's left is to put it into practice.

This is not like that. Because, well, I don't get it yet.

God has really been working with me on the issue of pursuit recently. Letting myself be pursued by Him. And pursuing Him back.

I get that I'm pursued by Him. I like that He pursues me. I'm pretty sure I've thanked Him for it every day so far this week. Mostly because this week has gotten better since I gave in to that pursuit. But there's a difference between giving in and allowing Him to pursue me. And He wants me to allow Him to chase after my heart.

I'm not sure yet, but I'm pretty sure that happens when I pursue Him more. Which is the other thing He's really working with me on right now. And to be completely honest, I don't get it. At all.

So, bear with me on this part. I'm using a pretty girly example here because it's what God is using with me. Sometimes, it's the only way He can get something through to me.

Anyway, it's like this. For a lot of girls, when we like a guy, we want them to like us back. Except, we would prefer they show it before we do.  Because we want them to know that just because we like them, it does not mean it's going to be easy for them to be able to date us. We want them to show interest in us. We want them to really win our hearts. Basically, we want them to pursue us. (And there's a lot more to it than that, but this is what's important to this idea of pursuit.)

But, at the same time, when girls like a guy, we like to pursue them too. Some girls are blatantly obvious about it - they flirt; they ask the guy out instead of waiting on him; things of that nature. Some won't do anything other than tell their friends how great and how cute the guy is; they normally don't even know if the guy notices them or not. Then there's those who are in the middle of the spectrum. Those girls who try to give subtle hints, who talk to the guy more than normal, who make an effort to spend time with him. But they still wait for the guy to make all the first moves. They let the guys they like know that they're willing to be pursued, even want to be pursued, but they make the guys do the work to start the relationship. (And, no, I am not telling you which one of the three types I am.)

Now, back to how this applies to our relationships with God.

God pursues us relentlessly.

Relentlessly.

That means that when we're walking with Him, He still pursues us. When we're falling back, He turns around and follows us, asking us to come back to Him. When we are running as far as we possibly can in the opposite direction of His plans for us, He is still searching for us, calling our names, trying to capture our hearts. You know how Adam Sandler's character in "50 First Dates" has to win his girl's heart every single day, even after they're married? It's kind of like that. Because, let's face it. We pretty often make Him have to chase after us again and again just because we're that stubborn and seem to forget how much He really Loves us.

But here's the thing. Yes, God is the Pursuer, but He also wants to be pursued. By us. He wants to know that we desire Him. That He means something to us. That He is significant in our lives. He wants to know that He has our attention.

He's blatantly obvious about how much He Loves us and wants our hearts. He wrote us a Love letter 66 books long to tell us how much. He died to show us how much.

But He doesn't want to be the only one in the relationship who's doing the work. He wants us to seek more of His heart - to know what He cares about and desires more than anything. He wants us to show Him how much we care about Him and if sharing those deeper, more intimate things with us is going to bring us closer to Him. Or if we'll turn and run away when things get hard.

Now, here's where I'm stuck. What does He mean when He says "Pursue me"? How do I show Him that I want Him more than anything? How do I show Him that I want to know Him better? That I want more of His heart? How do I let Him know that I'm not going to run away when that stuff seems like too much? Especially when He knows I have already pursued other things more than Him (and probably will again)? That's what I want to know. How do I pursue Him the way He wants to be pursued?

Anyway, like I said. This is still a process I'm in the middle of. Actually, to be more accurate, I feel like I'm still at the beginning of this one. I'm honestly kind of surprised I'm posting this instead of just journaling it, but I felt like I should share it.

So, for those of you reading this who know I welcome your accountability, please, feel free to hold me accountable on this. Or for those of you who are learning the same thing, feel free to share with me, and we'll figure this out together.

And remember, God Loves you. With a relentless Love.

Lead Me

Leader and follower. The leader leads and the follower follows. Seems like a simple concept right?

Paul told the Corinthians "And you should imitate me, just as I imitate Christ." Other translations of this verse say, "Follow me as I follow Christ." Ok. Again, simple right? Find a godly leader and follow him or her.

I'm pretty sure I've got the following part down pretty well. I see someone who is further along in their relationship with God than I am, and I start to follow them. I do my absolute best to imitate them. Half the time, I don't even have to try. I just end up doing the things I see them do all the time.

The part I still have to get down is the "just as I imitate Christ" part. Not that I follow them in things contrary to what Christ would do. They really are good, godly leaders. What gets me is imitating them in things that don't really matter - like the desserts I grab on my way out of a dining hall or what I think of characters in movies or even the annoying songs that I now like for some unexplainable reason. Or I depend on them to lead me. When I'm around them, I tend to forget (or to be more accurate, don't act on) the fact that there are people following me too that I should actually lead.

Within the last few weeks, God has issued me a challenge. To let Him lead me. To lean on Him. Because in Ephesians, we are commanded, "Imitate God... in everything you do."

When God puts someone in our lives who is a godly leader, it's not so we can try to make an exact copy of their life in our own. It's so we have an example of how to imitate Him. He is the one who's life we want to copy in our own. That's why Paul didn't stop at "you should imitate me." Paul made sure that he added "just as I imitate Christ."

As we imitate God more, we begin to depend on Him more. Our identity becomes more dependent on who He is. That leads us to depend on Him more, which in turn causes us to follow Him more closely.

God made each of us unique. He gave us different passions, different talents, different likes and dislikes, different personalities. We each have a different aspect of who God is built into us. That is why we can all imitate Him and still be the individual that He created us to be. That is why we can find godly leaders and follow them as they follow Christ while we are still being a leader that someone else can follow as we follow Christ.

Love Me

"Let me know if there's anything I can do to Love you better."

That's not something that's said often in our society. Most people just assume if they Love you that it's enough. That you know it. That they show it the way they need to.

To be honest, I've only heard it once. And I've only said it a few times myself. I've heard plenty of things that essentially mean that, but only one person has ever communicated that directly to me.

One of my really good friends had written that in the letter she gave me on my birthday. When I read it, I was surprised. You see, this particular friend is one of my really good friends for a reason (actually multiple reasons, but one in particular). That reason is that she Loves me. Really well. And she knows that I know that. So when I read that, I didn't think I would ever give her an answer. Eventually, I did give her an answer. Since then, she has continued to do her best to Love me. She's even made it clear that if I ever have another answer, I can tell her.

All of that happened in September and October. But what's cool is that God is still using it. And not just in my relationship with that friend.

Last week, I realized that I wasn't feeling God's Love the way I needed to. It wasn't that He doesn't Love me. I know that He does. And I know He Loves me better than anyone else ever could. He shows it all the time. But I still wanted to feel it more. So I did something I've only done once before.

I said what I need to feel Loved.

I asked God to give me more affirmation. And God did what He always does. He answered me. And as always, went beyond what I imagined.

That same night, He reminded me that He calls me His "treasure" and His "bride."

The next night when people from my campus ministry met for prayer, He said something I had been wanting to hear from someone, anyone for several weeks. He told me (through a friend) that He is proud of me.

The night after that was great too. My dad used to say all the time, "You're valuable and precious to me." I can't remember the last time I heard that statement. For some reason, it's something I remembered a few months ago and have missed since then. But during worship that night God told me that I am "valuable and precious" to Him. And it meant more to me than it ever has before.

Then, the other day, I asked God what it would look like or sound like if He wrote me a "love letter." It just seemed like He said, "Why don't you find out?" That's what I did earlier today. I sat there and listened to what God had to say to me and wrote it in my journal in the form of a letter. The words were tender. They were those of both a father and a lover. To say the very least, I feel Loved. And Loved well.

My mentor likes to say that our relationships with other people are meant to teach us about our relationship with God. And I'm always learning how true that is. Had God not blessed me with a friend so eager to show Love, so willing to learn how she can Love better, I might not have even thought to ask God to show me His Love in a way that I would understand it better. I might not have learned to stop and accept His Love. And that was something else He reminded me of last week - that He is always showing me His Love, even in the friends that He gives me.

And now I'm excited to see how He continues to show me Love. Just like I'm always excited to see how my good friends are going to show me Love.

So, here's a suggestion. Tell God what you need to feel Loved. Of course He already knows, but He wants to hear it. And once you tell Him, don't forget to stop and listen. Don't forget to take notice when He's trying to make you feel Loved. Let Him Love you as well as He truly does.